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Inspirations from Bloodcast.

Life goes on, no complaints.

Posted on: Sunday, February 19, 2012
Posted at: 4:39 PM

I hate that feeling I get five minutes after waking up from slumber. That is the state between dream and awaking, and when both mixes and creates a confusion of my feet on reality.

I'd be asking myself of changes that takes place whenever I'm in that state, as if those changes are so surreal I couldn't quite put my grasp onto it.

"Is this really happening?"

Who's to say, in those 5 minutes, I could turn back time and recollect all the memories before they flutter hopelessly in my grasp.

And maybe I could make them stay, without any damage or their beliefs swayed.

5 minutes pass. Back to reality. I'm without them. I'm alone again.

what it has become

Posted on: Sunday, October 9, 2011
Posted at: 1:46 PM

Wow. So many months have passed since I stopped being unproductive. Guess what? I got a job. Actually I had a job and then I was given a better offer (supposedly) by a bigger company. Let's recall the months tracking back to after I recovered from my chicken pox.

Mid-april my aunt texted me about a job opening at a shipping company which really needed an temp admin assistant. Got the job, was kinda dull and brain-dead cos I didn't do much. Filed invoices and did clerical work for accounts & operations department. Sat in front of this cheeky guy who was just plain cheeky. But my colleagues were nice people who helped me a lot. However I got treated like a ball over there. Resigned, then got called back, then they terminated me, then got called back again. See? Ala a ball in a soccer match.

It was a really long 3 month. My mom had to endure countless exclamations of 'I wanna quit my job!' every morning and every night.

Then the bigger shareholder of the group company (which sat at the same floor, same office, just at the other side of the building) called me in for an interview as crew admin. Manager and HR called me in at the time I was sweaty while doing some archiving for old documents. So I really blew that interview which I couldn't find in my heart to really care.

After that, the same HR called me over to her side to do an interview as admin assistant, but for HR. I thought about it, I didn't wanna do anymore admin work, as it was boring, dull and so unappealing. I wanted a challenging job.

Let's fast forward to 3 months later, which is the current position I'm in. As an assistant to the HR executive. How shall I put it?

I wanted a challenging job. I accepted a permanent position in this company. Do I regret accepting this job? I don't think so. But I didn't expect to hold a bigger responsibility. In charge of office admin, office expenses, office maintenance, staff needs, some HR work, clients, hotel bookings...

Suddenly I'm snowballed into this position, which I initially thought would be kind of the same thing I did as assistant for accounts/operations in my previous company, but it's a totally different thing with a different aspect. I had a vomiting incident on the 3rd week of this job.

This job is equally stressful, tiring, challenging, soul draining but it offers a mature view of what life after school is. A wider perspective on the real world. The work itself is not difficult, but dealing with people, especially when you're in HR, is a totally different matter. I never liked attending to people, but now my job entails me to do so. I don't hate it. When people call me, I would answer it.

I still have to continue with my studies. Though I've committed myself to this company. My boss wants enroll me for secretary course. Which will take around 3 months or so. As for my education, my dream job was to do something in journalism or editorial, but mom is thinking it's better if I take business admin as I'm already in the line. So I'll think about it.

Conclusion? Joining the workforce is not as bad as I thought it would be. Sure, it has made me into some sort of a workaholic and unwise spender... but I'm okay. I am fine.

But this way we won't work

Posted on: Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Posted at: 9:27 PM

Here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten.

Posted on: Saturday, June 4, 2011
Posted at: 1:27 PM

if freckles were lovely, and day was night,

and measles were nice and a lie warn’t a lie,
life would be delight,—
but things couldn’t go right
for in such a sad plight
i wouldn’t be i.

if earth was heaven and now was hence,
and past was present, and false was true,
there might be some sense
but i’d be in suspense
for on such a pretense
you wouldn’t be you.

if fear was plucky, and globes were square,
and dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
things would seem fair,—
yet they’d all despair,
for if here was there
we wouldn’t be we.

e.e. cummings

march

Posted on: Monday, April 4, 2011
Posted at: 5:41 PM

Crazy March. Turned 20 and I bought too much (more than I should've bought). Just some books; F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, Chuck Palahniuk's Rant & J.K. Rowling's HP and The Order of Phoenix! My fave edition from the series. Read it back when I was… 12? The movie didn't do justice for the book. They skipped out so much parts.

That DS container is sooooo cute! Bought it with Zeke at Grand Cathay (issit?) and it's filled with yucky mints.

Esprit watch was my 20th birthday present from my parents :3

M.a.c's Gotta Dash! lipstick and Sephora's Rouge lipstick. Tera bought the latter as a present for me *tears But I tend to buy skin-colored lipstick that's not too bold.

Vincent

Posted on: Friday, April 1, 2011
Posted at: 1:41 PM

Vincent Malloy is seven years old

He’s always polite and does what he’s told

For a boy his age, he’s considerate and nice

But he wants to be just like Vincent Price

He doesn’t mind living with his sister, dog and cats

Though he’d rather share a home with spiders and bats

There he could reflect on the horrors he’s invented

And wander dark hallways, alone and tormented

Vincent is nice when his aunt comes to see him

But imagines dipping her in wax for his wax museum

He likes to experiment on his dog Abercrombie

In the hopes of creating a horrible zombie

So he and his horrible zombie dog

Could go searching for victims in the London fog

His thoughts, though, aren’t only of ghoulish crimes

He likes to paint and read to pass some of the times

While other kids read books like Go, Jane, Go!

Vincent’s favourite author is Edgar Allen Poe

One night, while reading a gruesome tale

He read a passage that made him turn pale

Such horrible news he could not survive

For his beautiful wife had been buried alive!

He dug out her grave to make sure she was dead

Unaware that her grave was his mother’s flower bed

His mother sent Vincent off to his room

He knew he’d been banished to the tower of doom

Where he was sentenced to spend the rest of his life

Alone with the portrait of his beautiful wife

While alone and insane encased in his tomb

Vincent’s mother burst suddenly into the room

She said: “If you want to, you can go out and play

It’s sunny outside, and a beautiful day”

Vincent tried to talk, but he just couldn’t speak

The years of isolation had made him quite weak

So he took out some paper and scrawled with a pen:

“I am possessed by this house, and can never leave it again”

His mother said: “You’re not possessed, and you’re not almost dead

These games that you play are all in your head

You’re not Vincent Price, you’re Vincent Malloy

You’re not tormented or insane, you’re just a young boy

You’re seven years old and you are my son

I want you to get outside and have some real fun.

”Her anger now spent, she walked out through the hall

And while Vincent backed slowly against the wall

The room started to swell, to shiver and creak

His horrid insanity had reached its peak

He saw Abercrombie, his zombie slave

And heard his wife call from beyond the grave

She spoke from her coffin and made ghoulish demands

While, through cracking walls, reached skeleton hands

Every horror in his life that had crept through his dreams

Swept his mad laughter to terrified screams!

To escape the madness, he reached for the door

But fell limp and lifeless down on the floor

His voice was soft and very slow

As he quoted The Raven from Edgar Allen Poe:

“and my soul from out that shadow

that lies floating on the floor

shall be lifted?

Nevermore…”

-Tim Burton

this routine riot is all but practical to me

Posted on: Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Posted at: 2:22 AM

I have always been the type who likes routine. Routine is nice, it's comforting to know that things will be the same (even though it may sound dull) come tomorrow. Weekdays will be filled with waking up early with half lidded eyes and the looming thought of school or work. Rushing through breakfast whilst putting on shoes then speed walking with an apple or a bread almost dropping to the ground. Catching the bus. Meeting friends early in the morning. In the afternoon going home with the sun half baking the earth, dozing in the bus and at some times waking up at the creepy bus terminal.

Repeat cycle 5 days a week multiplied by around 9 months. It's not too bad. Routine serves me a fixed mindset, ready to dive into the next morning doing the same thing as yesterday. I know my bearings, it's familiar terrains. I traveled the same 45 minutes long route everyday for 8 years. And yet I have never been too sure of the places on the other side of the glass panes. Probably cause I pass out the moment I sink my tired derriere on the cushioned bus seat.

Now that I've graduated (twice) and am unemployed, I don't have a routine anymore. I wake up whenever the hell I please. House chores are done at 2am while the world turns quiet and no one moves. Hunger pangs attack me at random times and always, always an hour after I have a meal. I snuggle under the covers right as somebody's alarm clock goes off.

Weekends are only half appealing. I get to hang out with my family. Yes, hang out. Otherwise it'll be just another day at home, watching a million TV shows, and there's no difference to whether the day falls on a sunday or thursday. I wish I could have some kind of system for… being unproductive. But if I'm doing nothing then I have no goals to see because there's utterly nothing to it.

I have applied for jobs though. I recently just recovered from the chicken pox so being employed had to come to a halt for awhile. Though I still can't believe I applied for a job at the insurance company I used to work at 2 years ago, which I horribly dreaded everyday, having to sit in a cubicle with a snail paced internet. But I have come to terms that if work is fun, then it's not work. Still have to be applied though.

"The routine science
Could heal the sickness we rehearse."

- Something Corporate